29 January 2017

Falling Free

This book has haunted me from the first day I discovered it. The back reads "Shannan Martin had the perfect life: a cute farmhouse on six rambling acres, a loving husband, three adorable kids, money, friends, a close-knit church -- safe, happy existence." Insert my name and it could be my story and just like God pulled the rug out from under her safe existence, I feel like he has done the same with me and my family.

I read it as though God were speaking to me as I dog-eared just about every other page. She talks about faith, her plunge from security, looking past the comfortable. I haven't had a book cause me to rethink so many facets of my life like this one has. She is also an incredibly good writer. It just may be one of the best books of 2017 and we're only a month in.


QUOTES FROM THE BOOK


"It's hard to pine for heaven when you already believe you're there."

"We stand in worship services and sing our hearts out about things like faith and trusting God in deep waters. We say God is all we need, but what we really mean is, 'All we need is God, our family, the promise of safety, and money.' We sing like we mean it while we pray to God we'll never find out if we really do. What would happen if everything but God were swept away? Would he really be enough?"


"Surrender is always the beginning of a better dream."


"Each of us is charged with finding a way to partner with God and the work to ransom his people. This is something we get to do, our capacity to love expanded through his enduring love for us. Though we are prone to causing trouble and putting ourselves first, only because God's refusal to take us at face value, he invites us to the party and gives us a first-row seat to the way he redeems a universe of orphaned souls into the treasured family of God."


"In pursuit of our hearts, he reminds us that his is tethered to relationships, not things. . . . What we call freedom was really self-proud independence in disguise. We wanted to owe nothing, depend on no one. We wanted to be the boss of our lives, never stopping to consider that our perspective ran contrary to the fundamentals of the faith we said governed us."


"There's a difference between being too scared to do hard things and doing hard things scared. Communing with the God of the universe will inspire all kinds of unscripted movement and giant leaps  past "normal." It will make surrendering seem like the safest way."


"So you might have a family. You might have a job, a hobby, and a home that you love. You might think that all the big items have been checked off the list and you're mostly settled into a groove, done. But maybe there's more. Maybe there's something over in the west or off the east a little. Wherever it is, let's trust the sender."


"The shortest routes to relationships are carved when everyone takes two giant steps past the gates of their comfort and toward each other."


"When God told my family to stand right there, in this particular neighborhood of this particular city, he called all of us. He's not in the business of fragmenting families or risking some for the sake of others."


"We used to think our job was to love God, follow is commandments, and keep our family cloistered from the world around a future where our kids would remain gated in privilege, though we never would have phrased it that way. We imagined a future for them in the stable majority. We looked around, seeing many different versions of ourselves, and believed it was the story God had penned for our family. So we jotted our own words on the page, careful not to change the script. It took time to bring my heart to the place of accepting that maybe God's best for my kids looked different from what I had assumed. Note to self: If I ever wonder why God's plan doesn't unfold more quickly, it's because it takes me so flipping long to let go and get on board."


"He ways to give all that we have, hoard nothing, and let him handle the bookkeeping. If I say I follow him, I should care about the things he care about. Even and especially if it costs me something. But it's one thing to understand and a whole 'nother thing to try and rewire a heart built on believing what's mine is mine."


"For the forty-eight hours [my children and I] spent apart, I was fixated primarily on my two fragile nutcases. I missed them all -- in the special way you "miss" your kids when you finally get a break from them. I most certainly loved all three of them equally, but my mind and heart were fixed on the needy ones. I couldn't stop thinking about them, praying for them, rooting them on. My soul had drawn near to them, because they were desperate for me. And we wonder why God allows us to stay mired in conflict, trouble, and pain. We'd really rather God draw near to us while we flit about our merry way, solving our own problems and polishing the silver. We don't want to run to him like a child. That would be silly, and we're professional adults, stouthearted and capable, with creases in our slacks. We don't want that kind of faith. We want logical. Sturdy. Exemplary. It doesn't feel good to emotionally unhinge, so we keep holding it together while we steer our own ship. We know he's still with us, and some days we remember he still loves us. But we settle for a life unmarked by depth and purpose, because those things come at the cost of practicality and esteem. We adore practicality. It makes us feel so capable and smart."

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