Things never stay the same

My 3+ years in young womens has come to an end. I remember the day I was called thinking three years seemed like an eternity and now here I am at the end. This past Wednesday instead of going to an activity, my counselors and I treated ourselves to dinner. I sincerely hope my friendship with these ladies continue now that this sojourn is over. I have been so blessed with great women to work along side me and keep me sane.

I've known for awhile that this was coming which gave me time to think about a parting gift for my beautiful young women. I decided the best thing I could give them was my testimony. The day I was called, I added 40 more daughters to my family. I will always consider them one of mine. I prayed for them a lot. I laughed with them. I cried over them. I thought about them incessantly. I loved them deeply. I will miss them. I will miss talking with them. I will miss listening to their conversations in the car. I will miss their silly pranks. I will miss their insights during lessons. I will miss their texts.

BUT, to be frank . . . I will not miss the activities. I loved everything else about young womens. I did not enjoy coming up with weekly activities. Sorry girls. That was just not my forte nor my passion. I would prefer to give a 100 lessons to planning an activity.

This may have been my first stint in a young women calling. I do not think it will be my last. Just like these flowers (from my stake YW presidency) will slowly wilt and die, things never stay the same.

My testimony letter:

Hi there!

I am no longer in the position of Young Women president and wanted to leave you with one last gift from me. I thought about this for quite awhile and felt that my testimony was the greatest gift I could give. I once had one of you young women ask me how I knew this gospel was true and right. So let me tell you and that young woman what I know and how I know.

I was once a young girl like you, full of worries about the future and not quite confident about myself and speaking my beliefs. In fact I was so terrified of getting up in front of people that I didn’t bear my testimony in a testimony meeting until I was an adult with small children (please don’t be like me in that regard . . . be brave and share what’s in your heart . . . the Lord will bless you for it). Since then I’ve come to know that I was born with the gift of faith. I’ve always just felt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. However, there came a day where I encountered a faith-shaking experience. You too will have something or someone who will shake you to the core -- will your faith and your testimony be strong enough to withstand it? I had to really decide if what I had been taught all my life was all really true and right. I prayed. I studied. I read scripture. I never got an earth-shattering answer but more a feeling of peace and content. From that moment forward I CHOSE to believe and have never looked back. Let me share a few things I’ve learned in my 41 years (Yes! I am old.).

**Faith is a conscious choice. You make a choice every day whether to believe or not.

**Cling forever to the things you know when you’re surrounded by things you don’t know. The time to jump ship is not in the middle of the storm. STAY IN THE BOAT. STAY FAITHFUL. DON’T WALK AWAY.

**The Son always comes up. In the darkest of nights, the Son is always on duty and when we need him, we can find him through prayer, through meditation, through the scriptures.

**Faith is an assurance that things will work out for my good. I may not know how, I may not know when, but I know they will because Heavenly Father is in charge.

**Faith is a real power. Some might think it's a crutch to lean on in times of difficulty, but I know otherwise.

**Light and darkness cannot occupy the same space. Same with fear. When I start to be fearful and worry, my faith is waning.

**One aspect of the atonement is there is no end to the Savior’s ability to succor us in our pains, afflictions, temptations. The atonement is as much for me who hurts from other’s choices as for anyone who had ever committed a wrong.

**Sometimes when going through a difficult time we want to ask the Lord to take away the trial, the pain, the sorrow. Instead we should pray for the grit to continue, the willpower to hang tough, the strength to persevere. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Keep trying.

**Instead of asking WHY questions . . . Why is this happening to me?, I learned instead to ask WHAT questions . . . what do I need to learn from this experience? What can I do to help those around me? What can I do for my family?

Faith comes not simply by knowing and believing but by doing. I choose to consistently grow my faith and testimony by DOING what God had asked me to. Is it easy? Heavens no. It’s downright hard a lot of the time. But the blessings that have come to me are worth the price.

Heavenly Father asked me start reading the Book of Mormon with my little family more consistently so I did that. He asked me to continue to attend church every week and I have done so. He asked me to begin attending the temple with more frequency than I had been. So I started attending at least once a month and I have only missed 2 or 3 months in many, many years. He asked me to start sharing my beliefs with those around me. So I started a blog (ahumandoing.blogspot.com) where I record those things for others to read. I got brave and began bearing my testimony out loud in fast and testimony meeting (that first time was soooooo scary).

I tell you these things because testimony and faith and most importantly conversion comes from action. You have to do something to get something. If you want to know if the Book of Mormon is a true book from God, you must read it and study it. If you want to know that Joseph Smith did indeed see God and Jesus Christ than you need to study and read and pray about that . . . MORE THAN ONCE! If you need to know if there is even a God in Heaven than again you must put some work into finding out. He will tell you. I promise you that. Those answers come in quiet ways, usually through our feelings.

More than anything I know that our Heavenly Father loves each one of you individually for who you are. Don’t ever forget that! Work on your relationship with him and his son and it will be a safety net in the tumultuous days ahead. I know that this gospel is what brings me the most joy and I testify of its truthfulness. I know because I have tested it and there is nothing that comes close to the peace and happiness in my life when I am doing and becoming what the Lord needs me to be.

If you ever feel like giving up or giving in or have questions that don’t seem to have answers, I am always available, day or night to talk. I love you and consider you an extension of my family. I gained 40 new daughters the day I was called and am so blessed that the Lord allowed me to be a part of your lives for such a short time. You have truly been a blessing to me.

Planted

This is a must read for anyone struggling with their faith, struggling with Mormonism, and even more so for those whose faith is still strong.

I wish I had this book many years ago when dealing with a loved one who chose to not only leave our joint, religious upbringing, but who also chose to leave God. The book can serve as a great bridge builder between both sides. It helped me as the reader gain a better understanding and compassion for those who have left and perhaps their reasoning for doing so. I believe it can also point those who are teetering on that edge of jumping ship or staying in the boat to some good evidence to WHY they should stay. It's a day and age where we not only decide every day what we believe, but why and whether we will still remain steadfast in our beliefs.

Two of my favorite sections: (1) "Those of us who are American don't always like what our elected leaders do in Washington, but not many of us choose to leave the country. We don't always like how our family members act, but we are not going to disown them. We don't always like our coworkers, but we don't usually quit our jobs over that. We don't always like all our teachers or what they teach us, but we typically stay in school until we earn our diploma. In short, we regularly recognize the limitations and flaws of many institutions of which we are a part, but except in the case of egregious abuses we normally stay and try to make thing better rather than washing our hands and walking away."

(2) "The organization of the church into strictly enforced geographic units compels us to love our neighbors as we find them, not to choose the congregation that we feel best fits our personal tastes. The church thus caters to our needs far more than our wants. We are subjected to other people who don't always think like we do and who sometimes publicly offer misinformed  and prejudicial notions as authoritative fact. We are asked to follow leaders who are untrained amateurs, who occasionally make bad decisions and say or do thing that are hurtful and possibly even constitute unrighteous dominion. . . . We are asked to visit people whose opinions, grooming habits, childrearing techniques, or wall décor are odious to our tastes. In turn we are visited by other people, often at inopportune times, who endlessly recount their latest in a string of unpleasant medical maladies or their judgment about the state of our souls -- or in a really efficient visit, both.

All of this unpleasantness is precisely the stuff of discipleship. As England observes, "Church involvement teaches us compassion and patience as well as courage and discipline. It makes us responsible for the personal and marital, physical, and spiritual welfare of people we may not already love (or may even heartily dislike), and thus we learn to love them. It stretches and challenges us, though disappointed and exasperated, in ways we would not otherwise choose to be -- and thus gives us a chance to be made better than we might choose to be, but ultimately need and want to be."

Patrick Mason also gave a great speech at FAIR Mormon that you can find here The Courage of Our Convictions.

Many years ago we planted a garden without having any way to regularly water it. I was gung-ho and told myself it would be easy to go out and do a quick watering job every day. I started strong but as the cool, spring weather turned hot and irritable, I found my watering became less and less frequent.

You can probably guess what happened. Those poor plants thrived for a little while, then started to wilt and struggle until they eventually succumbed and ceased to exist.

My point in all this is: We choose every day whether or not to water. And we choose every day WHAT we are going to water. Do we consistently and deeply water our faith and hope or is it doubt and skepticism that get the nourishment. For me, my testimony and faith is nothing more than my personal relationship with God and how I experience him. For whatever reasons, I, like Nephi, have been endowed with the gift of faith. Religion comes easy to me. Believe has always a part of my life. Church has been a comfortable place to be. And I am now just understanding that this is simply my story. For others, belief and belonging do not come as easy.

A few weeks ago my kids asked if I was watering our plants. I told them I didn't need to since Mother Nature was taking care of it for me in the form of rain.

This too can be detrimental to our faith when we are going along in life not really feeling the need to "water" and nourish it ourselves. It's easy to fall into this life of ease but also stagnation. Spirituality is very individual. Not every person is going to worship the same. This is simply how I choose to keep my faith vibrant, healthy, and growing which may not be the same for someone else.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by consistent, daily immersion in the scriptures. Most days I listen to the scriptures as I get ready in the morning. Our family scripture time is 6:45am. Some days it's just me and some days we have most of the family there. On Fridays we watch a general conference talk from the previous session.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by consistent, daily, meaningful prayer. When I start to get casual in my prayers, I know my life is too easy and comfortable for growth. I really try to have mighty prayer that is felt and more of a conversation I might have with someone sitting next to me. My favorite place to pray is in my bathroom sitting on the step by my tub.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by consistent service to others. Most days I try to ask God to open my eyes to someone who might need my assistance. It might be nothing more than a compliment.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by surrounding myself with goodness. Good literature. Good media. Good people. Positivity. Wholesome activities.

AND . . . I simply choose to believe.

Raise my ebenezer

Today was a homecoming and three angelic girls sang, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" -- one of my most favorite hymns with such powerful lyrics. Oh how I wish it were in our hymnbooks, but then again that might make it kind of banal and not as heart-stopping.

As they sang the second verse, I had to lean over to Kiersten and ask if she knew what "Here I raise my Ebenezer; Hither by thy help I've come." All I've known about the word Ebenezer is he's a character in a Dickens novel. I've never heard it used as a noun.

Turns out it's actually from the bible, 1 Samuel 7. The Israelites are under attack from the Philistines and beg the prophet Samuel to plead in their behalf for the Lord to intervene. The Lord hears his pleading and prayers and smites the Philistines. This victory is recorded in 1 Samuel 7:12, "Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Eben-ezer, saying, Hitherto hath the Lord helped us."

Eben-ezer literally means stone of help and was set as a monument for the children of Israel to remember the Lord's mercy and goodness in delivering them from the Philistines.

Wow! I love that little story. Shouldn't we all have our own ebenezers of miracles, tender mercies, spiritual experiences that we raise to help us remember who's really at the helm, who's really waiting to help if we just ask, who's really given us those experiences that's made us who we are today.

If there's one recurrent theme with all scripture that I read, it's that the people are constantly in a cycle of remembering and forgetting their God. It is the tendency of the natural man. Please let me learn the lessons of history. Let me raise my ebenezer so I don't forget the blessings that have poured into my life from a good, gracious, loving Father in Heaven.

As I've thought about this little story, I do have an experience that has stayed with me for many years. Not because it's miraculous and awe-inspiring but because it's probably the first time I really felt the Holy Ghost with power.

It was the summer after my freshman year of college. I was staying with my aunt and uncle for the summer so I could continue working. One afternoon before I had to go in to work, I was sitting in the bedroom I shared with my cousin, reading a book titled, I Know that My Redeemer Lives: Latter-day Prophets Testify of the Savior. As I read the testimonies of these men, I had a strong feeling come over me that what I was reading was true. I felt light. I felt good. I felt inspired. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as the Holy Ghost bore witness to me that day that Jesus Christ is indeed a savior to all men. He is my Savior.

I cannot deny how I felt that day and it's one of my own ebenezers that I can raise as a monument to God that I will not forget, that I cannot forget such an experience, insignificant as it may seem. 

"We do not doubt our mothers knew it"

I could not have said it better than the following. It pretty much sums up thoughts I've had recently.

“I feel to invoke the blessings of heaven on my [children]--to call out every possible spiritual source of help. They are at the crossroad, their decisions are so crucial; I know the adversary will do all in his power to turn them from the spiritual blessings that are their birthright. . . . These are choice and valiant spirits and worth all the effort Satan can make to waylay them from the right path. Surely the Lord knows exactly what is happening and will send every spiritual source of help that can strengthen them. Their spirits are so precious, their decisions so crucial right now--choice of [spouse], choice of path, choice of life patterns. Their whole life will be so much affected. Their unborn children so impacted. Can these unborn children intervene in their behalf? Can they influence them for righteousness and right choices? Only the Lord knows what my [children] need, what can reach them, what influences will safeguard their souls, keep them on the path to their eternal inheritances. How I pray that they will be protected from the evils in the world, that the people and situations will come into their lives that will encourage them in the things of God. I would give my very life for any one of them to keep them safely moving ahead true to the best that is in them, listening to the Spirit, following it, becoming the men [and women] of God they have the potential to become. But in reality, I know that the most important thing I can do for them is to live by the Spirit myself and be a living witness of the truth.”
--Darla Isackson, Meridian Magazine

“No child in this Church should be left with uncertainty about his or her parents’ devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Restoration of His Church, and the reality of living prophets and apostles. . . Live the gospel as conspicuously as you can. Keep the covenants your children know you have made . . . And bear your testimony! Don’t just assume your children will somehow get the drift of your beliefs on their own.”
--Jeffery R. Holland, “A Prayer for the Children,” Ensign, May, 2003, 85-87

My Firm Foundation of Testimony

I had the opportunity to attend the General Women's Broadcast last night in the Conference Center and thought it a bit ironic that we would sing verses 1, 2, 3, and 7 of the hymn "How Firm a Foundation". Last week was our Primary program and the children sang verse 1 and then the congregation joined in on verses 3 and 7 of the same hymn.

1. How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled.

3. "Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

7. "The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never, forsake!"

I can't even begin to describe the power of singing with 20,000 other women that we will never forsake the gospel of Jesus Christ. I felt a little like one of Helaman's 2000 stripling warriors going into battle. It also brought back to rememberance the talk Sister Beck gave at BYU Women's Conference this last spring. In her talk she brought up the plague of pornography that is inundating the homes of good Latter-Day Saint homes and families throughout the world. She paused and then very forcefully said, "Fight!" "Fight pornography and defend our homes." It was very moving and actually brought the audience to spontaeous applause.

So I reaffirm Sister Beck's words to fight! Fight against all that is unholy and ungodly. Fight for goodness and virtue. Fight vigilantly for the family, for more time with our families, for less media and distractions.

My dad once told me the story of Heber C. Kimball and Brigham Young. They were both called on a mission to England in September of 1839. Heber C. had just finished his new log cabin for his family that measured 14' by 16', and they left for their mission so sick and weakened by disease "that both of use could not take a common trunk two feet long and ten inches square and put it in a wagon." Brigham then said, "The Devil meant to afflict us to see whether he could not back us out; but he had two hard fellows to deal with."

Well, the devil has got a hard gal to deal with in Melissa Seamons Leary. I'm a fighter. I fear not what the devil can do, neither am I dismayed by the world in which I live. I will never desert to the other side, and I will never, no never forsake the testimony I have that God lives. His church is on the earth today, restored through the prophet Joseph Smith. I know that God is in the details of my life and is very interested and concerned about me. HE KNOWS ME PERSONALLY BY NAME. Of that I declare with certainty.

Fire of Faith

I attended the 2008 Worldwide Leadership Training on Saturday and was intrigued by a quote Elder Oaks made, quoting Elder Ballard:

Clearly, those of us who have been entrusted with precious children have been given a sacred, noble stewardship, for we are the ones God has appointed to encircle today’s children with love and the fire of faith and an understanding of who they are. --"Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children," Ensign, April 1994

What caught my attention was the expression"fire of faith." He didn't say spark of faith or smoldering faith or ember of faith, but fire of faith. A raging bonfire of faith that is very hard to extinguish. That particular expression reminded me of a talk President Eyring gave in the 1986 October conference titled "The Spark of Faith". He quotes President J. Reuben Clark:

It is my hope and my belief that the Lord never permits the light of faith wholly to be extinguished in any human heart, however faint the light may glow. The Lord has provided that there shall still be there a spark which, with teaching, with the spirit of righteousness, with love, with tenderness, with example, with living the Gospel, shall brighten and glow again, however darkened the mind may have been. And if we shall fail so to reach those among us of our own whose faith has dwindled low, we shall fail in one of the main things which the Lord expects at our hands. --Conference Report, October 1936

An experience Tyler's Grandma Ellis related to us one time while we were camping at the cabin illustrates this spark of faith concept. She and Grandpa Ellis had come up several weeks before to cut down some diseased trees on their lot. Grandma's job was to burn all the little stuff. They spent the day burning, and at the end of the day extinguished the fire -- or so they thought. The next morning she checked on the ashes and threw some kindling on top. It immediately burst into flames. Even though the fire appeared to be out, there was still that spark waiting to be resurrected.

[Y]ou need to do everything in your power to be absolutely certain that your spiritual bonfire of testimony is burning brightly enough to keep the wolves of darkness away. You can always use more dry kindling. As the Apostle Paul taught, each of us has “come short of the glory of God.” (Rom. 3:23.) None of us has progressed so far in this life that we do not need to continually fortify our testimonies. --Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Spiritual Bonfires of Testimony," Ensign, November 1992

I hope that my neighbors and friends and family who cast a glance in my direction know that my fire of faith, my fire of testimony is burning strongly. It's burning brightly. But as Elder Wirthlin stated, I also recognize the need to "fortify [my] testimony" daily.