Great expectations

"All frustration comes from unmet expectations. There is no such thing as someone who is frustrated who didn't have an expectation." --Dr. John L. Lund

Frustration is just another silly word for anger, resentment, displeasure, irritation. When Tyler and I were first married and trying to figure each other out (which we are still attempting to do), I would get upset and tell him that I was just frustrated. I wasn't mad, just frustrated. He would retort, "No. You're mad." And this would make me more angrier . . . I mean more frustrated. :) I've come to learn that he was right. I was upset. I expected him to act a certain way. I didn't expect to have to spell everything out for him. He should "read my mind" and know what I wanted.

Oooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooo. That is out there. That is so out in space.

I finished listening to an audio book by Dr. John Lund that is all about relationships and how to manage how tricky they are sometimes. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've listened to it in the past decade, but decided this last time that I need to review it once a year.

Don't we all have expectations for the relationships we are in. Don't we all expect the people in those relationships to act and behave a certain way whether it's our spouse, our coworker, our mother-in-law, our child, our neighbor.

And when they don't, then what? Feelings are harbored and relationships are stifled.

So . . .

Own your expectations. Don't expect anyone to read your mind. If you want the garbage taken out, say something. If you don't want your mother-in-law meddling in your affairs, say something. (This has nothing to do with my own mother-in-law who is pretty great. I scored in that department. I do know several people who really don't get along with theirs, probably because they have expectations about how they envisioned the relationship to be or maybe these mothers-in-law don't do things like their own mothers did).

Be a content communicator. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Criticism. When I am in a relationship of equals, I must ask their permission before giving advice or critiquing them. It will backfire every time if you don't.

Learn love languages. So often we give love the way we would like to be loved. Learning the way others like to receive love is essential. Just because we love to receive gifts doesn't mean everyone else will love it too.

Great expectations . . . are really not so great unless they are expectations for no one else but ourselves.

A mother's day tribute

In his address to the BYU graduating class this past April, Elder Clayton spoke of several connections that are of real value, starting with relationships with parents and grandparents and family.

"We hope you will thank them, especially by the way you live," he said. "Your lifelong faithfulness and devotion to the Savior and His Restored Church will be the highest demonstration of gratitude that you can offer your [mother]."

This mother's day I hope my mom knows how much I love her and appreciate her dedication to raising six pretty awesome people. She taught me to clean and to cook. She instilled in me her love of reading, especially the scriptures. Many mornings I would find her out by the fire reading and pondering. I love her spontaneity and love of travel. I hope she knows that the way I live my life in purity and faith is my gift to her.

I've found as I have more and more birthdays that things really don't have any significance in the quality of relationships. In a recent email, my mother-in-law Laura stated, "You know I don't want presents, but I love visits and phone calls." Isn't that true. If you really want depth to a relationship, you have to give of your time and attention. Visit once in awhile. Come out from behind the phone and make an actual call for no reason other than to just keep a healthy connection alive. Send that note in the mail. Retreat behind that phone and type a quick text. Relationships should be so easy to keep vibrate and thriving in this day of instant communication, but sometimes they get stifled because of the easiness of it all.

I too don't really need material gifts. As a mom, the greatest gift I could ever hope to receive from my kids is found in this scripture 2 Nephi 31:20.

1. Pressing forward with a steadfastness in Christ. Faith may have its ups and downs but working on it is key to keeping it alive. Don't let your faith become stagnant or complacent.

2. Having a perfect brightness of hope. Hope is one of the greatest of all things. It brings peace and confidence and light to some very chaotic and dark times. It gives us light to see clearly.

3. Having a love of God. When we truly love God with our all, the inconsequential things in our life will find themselves at the bottom of the heap. And don't forget that with God all things are possible. Remember Gideon in our old testament reading? His army was reduced to 300 and they conquered. Trust God and you win every time. 

4. And [a love] of all men. Be kind. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be generous. Give of your time and talents and money in helping others and it will come back to you tenfold. Be thoughtful in your service opportunities.

Behind every great man and woman is his mother. Someone imagined the mothers of these well-known sons making the following comments:

Mrs. Morse: “Sam, stop tapping your fingers on the table--it’s driving me crazy!”

Mrs. Lindbergh: “Charles, can’t you do anything by yourself?”

Mrs. Washington: “George never did have a head for money.”

Mrs. Armstrong: “Neil has no more business taking flying lessons than the man on the moon.” (Reader’s Digest)

Mothers do influence their sons and daughters! One of life’s greatest blessings is to have a godly mother. And, thus, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to be a godly mother.

I'm soooooo grateful for my godly mother who taught me what it's all about to be godly myself. As Alex likes to tell me, "You are my best mom." Julie Seamons: You are my best mom.