Book stats for 2019

This week has been a HARD week as my mind tries to grapple with so many horrifically, sad tragedies. In my little home away from home, my work home, there was a quadruple homicide, something you never imagine will ever happen to small town America.

Yellow ribbons all the way down the road on my way to my school

My friend is grappling with a second suicide in her family realm. And today a basketball icon, Kobe Bryant, died in a helicopter crash along with his daughter. He was only 41. So many lives gone this week. Too many young lives.

And my mind just keeps regurgitating the WHY?

This week we also had an assembly where Meg Johnson came to speak. She is a quadriplegic from an accident when she was 17. She was so positive and upbeat despite the limited use of her hands and no use of her legs. The message she gave these students was that though her trial was more visible than others, it didn't make it any harder than trials we all face. And just because her body was broken, it didn't make her worth any less. She still had a lot to contribute to the world.

What a great message. Life is hard and we all have hard days, weeks, months, even years. BUT it doesn't last forever. Those come to an end eventually and life has its wonderfully good days and weeks and years too.

So on a slightly different tangent, when many people turn to food, alcohol, or television (screens) to escape the inescapable, my escape comes in the form of books. I read to learn and also read to escape to a new life, new scenery, and once in awhile I come up for air and wonder where I am. I love those kind of books that suck you in but only when I have the time for it. Usually, my favorite books are the ones with short chapters that I can digest a little at time without having to devour the whole thing at once.

2019 was a good year for reading. My Goodreads stats say I read 37 books but if you don't count the picture books I included to remember them, I averaged almost 2 a month. That's pretty good for me.

*The Wild Card (a PD book)
*The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
*Indestructible: Leveraging Your Broken Heart to Become a Force of Love & Change in the World
*Educated
*Long Way Down
*I'd Rather Be Reading: The Delights and Dilemmas of the Reading Life
*The Chocolate Touch
*Crossing to Safety
*Passionate Readers: The Art of Reaching and Engaging Every Child
*Elijah of Buxton (good one to listen to)
*Return to Red Castle
*Where the Crawdad's Sing
*Fish in a Tree
*The Wishing Spell
*Firefly Lane
*Insights from a Prophet’s Life: Russell M. Nelson
*David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants
*Gooney Bird Greene
*Matilda
*The Case Against Sugar
*The Boxcar Children
*Lion
*Sold on a Monday
*The Giver of Stars

I also subscribe to various podcasts that I listen to on my walks and runs. Here's a list of my subscriptions:

*Book of Mormon (I listen to this on my morning walk around the block)
*Cold (this was an excellent one-time-through podcast to listen to)
*The First Vision: A Joseph Smith Papers Podcast (same as Cold; not a continuous podcast)
*The Cult of Pedagogy (school related)
*Don't Miss This Study (great help for teaching my Sunday School class)
*BYU-Idaho Devotionals
*BYU Speeches
*Maxwell Institute Podcast
*All In (FAVORITE)
*Teach 4 the Heart (school related)
*Better Than Happy (FAVORITE)
*The Build Math Minds Podcast (school related)
*Angela Watson's Truth for Teachers (school related)

18 months later . . .

My return to college classes has come to a cessation. I turned in my last paper and finished attending my last class this past week. Now I'm just waiting for grades to finalize. I feel like I can return to being a mom again. It's been a grueling 18 months but I now have 32 credits post-baccalaureate. There were days and weeks I felt like the enslaved Nephites in the Book or Mormon.They prayed for some relief and instead of deliverance, the Lord blessed them with stronger backs. I too felt so overwhelmed and in bondage to everything required of me. But, the Lord helped me keep moving forward with the important things. I found time I didn't have to complete what needed to be done. Many times my kids stepped up to clean and cook when I wasn't available.

I loved what President Nelson said in our last conference a week ago: "If you are not sure you even believe in God, start there. Understand that in the absence of experiences with God, one can doubt the existence of God. So, put yourself in a position to begin having experiences with Him." This past year's experiences undoubtedly has left me with a knowledge that God lives. When faced with insurmountable fears and uncertainty, he "strengthened my back" and opened up my Red Sea that was before me. I think God permits these life experiences so that we will remember his grace, his goodness, his love. It is in these extremities that we come to know him.

To celebrate I treated myself to a session at the Salt Lake temple and a late night of finishing a book, Return to Red Castle. A backpacking trip to Red Castle in the Uintas is in the works for this summer so I knew I needed to revisit this book that I had read as a teenager.

Well, it was definitely fluff and kept me up late finishing it. Despite being a cheesy escape novel, it was worth reading again as the hike into this lake called Red Castle was described in the book. I'm excited to visit this summer. I'm also discovering that rereading books I read in my youth leaves me with a much different taste than I had the first time I read them.

Maybe this is why reading the scriptures over and over again is so valuable. With each read, I discover new insights simply because life is different with each reading.

My celebrating continued the next day as I cleaned out my pantry, fridge, and freezer. I cranked the music loud and went to town. I have projects to finish that I had to abandon for awhile. I have books to read and another half marathon to retrain for. Life is finally beginning to feel normal again. Whatever normal is. It seems like we have this certain story that we like to tell about our life and how it's going to be. But really, does anyone ever live the story they started out to write? There's always twist in the plot that you never seem to see coming. But it always gets solved one way or another. It's the plot twists that makes a good life story, isn't it?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Some funnies

*Alex was in the car with Tyler and me. He was playing some sort of word game on his Kindle when he piped up from the backseat, "Mom, do you know any 4-letter words that start with S?"

Hmmm . . . I sure do :)

*I had a student call me Alexa the other day. It's a title I'm not sure I've mastered yet.

*I also left a note on the board for my students to write me a post-it with something they learned that day (they had a sub). 

Snow Day!

The snow came and shut down pretty much all of Salt Lake County and Tooele County except for Wells Fargo. They were open and expected their commuting workforce to somehow make it in to work with no bodily damage.

Tyler took the day off and fumed at their lack of decision making and inconsideration.

We took the day off and made breakfast burritos and orange juice

(while Erik was a 1000 miles away in sunny Florida inhaling his own Taco Bell burritos)

made forts

and shoveled snow

ALL

DAY

LONG!

My body did not like me the next day.

And as I sit and write, it is snowing again with more storms forecast for this week.

Ah, Mr. Groundhog. I thought you predicted spring.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

I gave myself permission to not finish a book even though I am more than 100 pages into it. The premise was somewhat interesting . . . the US government giving 1000 women to the Indians to marry in hopes of helping them assimilate into our way of life. This never really happened although I do believe the idea was broached at some point in history. It's really dragging and when I get bogged down by a book, I need to just move on because there are so many wonderful books to be read.

Like this one:

I took a leap of insanity and checked out a book that had to be returned in one week. What was I thinking? With school books to be read and lesson plans to be written in my very limited time, who did I think I was kidding?

I tackled it and conquered and so glad I did. It was a good one. Eye-opening. Shocking. Admirable. This was story along the same lines as The Glass Castle, a girl who grows up with fundamentalist parents who don't believe in schooling or medicine, but who decides to break out of that mold, eventually earning herself a Ph.D.

Just keep swimming

That Dory sure knew what she was talking about. Her advice to Nemo is timely and has been my mantra for the past six months . . . along with these songs . . .

Stayin' Alive
I Will Survive
Living' on a Prayer

My summer classes came to end today with the math final I took. Only missed one and I sure do wish I knew which question it was. Eighteen credits completed in the last 6 months. I feel like I can surface for a quick breath of air before another deep dive begins into the abyss of lesson planning and all things school related. I've got a 7 week hiatus until school starts and then soon after classes start up again.

My language arts class required that I complete a literacy project. She didn't care what it was only that it had something to do with literacy and it had to take six hours. I was vegging at my desk one night, looking at the hoards of books I've acquired from the DI, the library book sale, a retiring school teacher, and envisioning the books left in my classroom for me. I had my project.

Organize, label, and level my books.

It was a project I was going to do eventually anyway so why not have it count for something.

I want my classroom to have lots of books for the students to choose from. I once read that a classroom library should have at least 20 books per student but I want as many as I can successfully fit. I came across Beth Newingham’s library organization method on the Scholastic website. She uses the Fountas and Pinnell guided reading levels where the range for second graders is K, L, M. However, I plan to have most of my books in the yellow with books in the red and blue to help students who struggle and students who need to be challenged.

Previously I had done some research on why you might or might not want to level your books. I came away with not wanting to level every book, but to use it as a guide for me to guide students to books that they are interested in and also books that are at their reading level so they don’t get frustrated. If I leveled every book, students might get dissuaded from reading books that might challenge them.

I used a hybrid by using four colored dots to represent the different levels. On these labels I them used a number 1 through 4 based on the different level also. This was a way to let me know what the level of the book was without letting the student exactly know. A student might see a book leveled N and not pick it up because they know they are reading at a level M. Whereas with this system of colored dots and numbers, this same student would pick up a book with a yellow dot and a number 4 and not necessarily know right away what level. As the teacher, I would know that it is a level N but it wouldn’t be as obvious to the student.

I used the Book Wizard* on the Scholastic website to find the levels for most of my books. Some books weren’t on there and some nonfiction books I chose not to level. I also put a label on the inside of the books that said, “From the classroom library of Mrs. Leary” to keep track of my books.

I am not sure exactly what bins and bookcases I might already have available, but I would like to keep my books in bins that are labeled according to what they will find in the bin. Some of the categories to use are Fiction Picture Books, Animals, Chapter books grouped by series, Poetry, Historical Fiction, etc. I printed out some labels for bins.

Each book will also have a corresponding label that matches the bin the book should be in. This will help students know exactly what bin the book needs to be returned to.

I liked how Beth used four different colored baskets for Fiction, Nonfiction, Chapter Books in a series, and Chapter books not part of a series to also guide students in their book selections.

This project is on going. I have several more boxes in the garage to sort through and a whole classroom to sort through too.

*I downloaded the app on my phone which made it so much easier to find books to level. I could utilize the voice to text feature instead of having to type. This made the job easier.

Saying goodbye can be so hard

Last Sunday was seminary graduation which we did not attend because Erik had not completed his reading of the Book of Mormon which is a requirement for graduation (and to turn mission papers in).

And then this showed up at our house today.

I'm not sure what to make of it.

Wednesday was my last day at work and I got my own yearbook of sorts.

At our end of school luncheon the principal presented me with a book signed by a lot of the people who work at my building, many of whom I didn't even know. And then I was asked to give a few remarks. That was a little weird.

But oh how I am going to miss these ladies I work with (Mag, Danielle, and Shar) and our "bathroom therapy sessions." I truly grew to love them and their friendship. The trick is going to be how to maintain those friendships when we no longer work together. I am also going to miss the kids I worked with and grew to love immensely -- Marie and her happy nature, Tren and his infectious smile, Harry and his giggles, Jason and his thumbs up, Taylor and her love for music, Adam and his fist pumps on Fridays. Special needs kids will always have a special place in my heart. 

I also got to meet my little tribe of second graders and team members for next year. I am excited . . . and scared . . . and anxious . . . and nervous. I have so many things tumbling around in my brain about what I need to do to get ready for school. I even got a sneak peak at my classroom. 

Ash and I went DI shopping and had a grand time filling a cart full of books for my library.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love books? I do. I really do. I once had Ash start to take inventory of our own library at home. She got to over a 1000 books and quit. At the DI we ended up with 70 for $40. I call that a steal.

From Heart to Heart

President Thomas S. Monson passed away the first of January. It's a little strange to have him gone since he was such a stalwart member of leadership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for so long.

President Russell M. Nelson has now taken the helm at the young age of 93. To look at him you would not believe it. I had a colleague tell me he still snow skis which is quite remarkable. After all he was a heart surgeon and knew a little something about how the body operates to keep it healthy and functioning.

Many years ago my father-in-law, who was a book binder by trade, pulled from their scraps at work a damaged copy of President Nelson's autobiography. He must have commissioned the bindery to print and bind it for his family because you can't find it anywhere.

Heart to Heart -- Top Right Corner

I was allowed to read this book and fell in love with President Nelson who was nothing more than a man, husband, and father at the time. I was intrigued with his insights he gave on the various organs of the body and their functions. The manner in which he described these left me with no doubt that the body is remarkable through the processes and systems that all work together seamlessly.

The following "event might serve to illustrate that men can do very little of themselves. With an education they can do a little more; with advanced medical degrees and training, a little more yet can be done. The real power to heal, however, is a gift from God, and he has deigned that some of the power may be harnessed via the authority of his priesthood to benefit and bless mankind when all man can do for himself may not be sufficient to accomplish all that may be needed that His will might be done.

When doctors attend social functions it is not uncommon to hear someone lightly jest, 'Isn't it nice to know there is a doctor here; he'll know just what to do if there should be trouble.' Medical training can indeed inspire confidence when people are in need. But I recall an occasion when many doctors gathered together could do little but stand helplessly when one of them was suddenly stricken.

This circumstance occurred in Manzanillo, Mexico, in February 1978. Dantzel and I were attending a medical meeting there with colleagues and classmates from our graduating class. Suddenly, one of the doctors became gravely ill with massive bleeding into his stomach. Around him were his learned colleagues representing a wide spectrum of medical specialties and with experiences, skills, and wisdom that each had accumulated in over thirty years of practice. Our colleague was bleeding! As we watched life's blood being projected from him, we helplessly realized that we were in a resort hut in a remote fishing village. there was no hospital; the nearest was in Guadalajara, many mountainous miles away. It was night; no planes could fly. Transfusions were out of the question because of lack of equipment. All the combined knowledge and concern there could not be converted to action to help our friend as we saw his life ebbing before our eyes. We were literally powerless to stop his bleeding.

He knew this. Ashen, pale, and clammy cold, he asked for a blessing. Several doctors there held the Melchizedek Priesthood and eagerly responded to his request. I was asked to seal the anointing. The Spirit dictated that he be blessed that the bleeding would stop, that he could continue to live and return to his home and his profession to continue to bless the lives of those who needed him.

The following morning, he was better. The bleeding had stopped. His blood pressure and heart rate had returned to normal. He was able to return to his home and his work. How he and we gave thanks to the Lord for this remarkable recovery.

Important as the body is, it is merely the place in which one dwells. The spirit inhabiting that tabernacle of flesh and bone is supreme. The gifts of the Spirit such as faith, love, knowledge, kindness, courtesy, charity, compassion, and gratitude are all nurtured by prayer and strengthened by daily exercise. Spiritual supremacy is achieved by contact with the Father of our spirits through daily prayer, study and pondering of the scriptures, and obedience to the commandments given us by God that we may have joy."

I imagine that many parts of this book will be put into his official biography which will allow many to read what I've read and loved.

Reading challenge

Last year I gave Tyler a vinyl wall hanging for Christmas and it sat in his office as we meandered through the dark, wondering where life was taking us.

This year I regifted it again for Christmas and had our expert graphics guy, aka Erik, position it and hang it up. Oh, how I loved the finished look it has given our library area. I gave Ash an assignment one day to count how many books we had. She gave up after 1000. I believe I own books I may never read and that is okay. Last year I simply wanted to read more and write more and I came off conqueror.

I finished 40 books in the course of a year. For some that may be a little and for some that may be a lot. For me, I was surprised when I pulled up the number. Especially given this past year and the busyness of it. I read several books devoted toward school stuff. And I began reading more young adult books which don't require as much digestion as adult books tend to. Nor are they as lengthy.

My stats say I read over 10,000 pages. That makes me feel like a wimp as I recall my 4th grade year. I had a teacher, Miss Maxwell, who issued a reading challenge. For anyone who read more than 10,000 pages in a term, she would take them out to lunch.

*Surprise birthday party Miss Maxwell came to.

Well, you didn't have to ask me twice. I was all over it and ended up being the only one who actually accomplished that goal.

So far this year I'm finishing up an audio book (Lone Survivor), trying to complete a book club read that may not happen (The Killer Angels), and have started a novella by an author that intimidates me (The Shawshank Redemption) -- Stephen King.

Great expectations

"All frustration comes from unmet expectations. There is no such thing as someone who is frustrated who didn't have an expectation." --Dr. John L. Lund

Frustration is just another silly word for anger, resentment, displeasure, irritation. When Tyler and I were first married and trying to figure each other out (which we are still attempting to do), I would get upset and tell him that I was just frustrated. I wasn't mad, just frustrated. He would retort, "No. You're mad." And this would make me more angrier . . . I mean more frustrated. :) I've come to learn that he was right. I was upset. I expected him to act a certain way. I didn't expect to have to spell everything out for him. He should "read my mind" and know what I wanted.

Oooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooo. That is out there. That is so out in space.

I finished listening to an audio book by Dr. John Lund that is all about relationships and how to manage how tricky they are sometimes. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've listened to it in the past decade, but decided this last time that I need to review it once a year.

Don't we all have expectations for the relationships we are in. Don't we all expect the people in those relationships to act and behave a certain way whether it's our spouse, our coworker, our mother-in-law, our child, our neighbor.

And when they don't, then what? Feelings are harbored and relationships are stifled.

So . . .

Own your expectations. Don't expect anyone to read your mind. If you want the garbage taken out, say something. If you don't want your mother-in-law meddling in your affairs, say something. (This has nothing to do with my own mother-in-law who is pretty great. I scored in that department. I do know several people who really don't get along with theirs, probably because they have expectations about how they envisioned the relationship to be or maybe these mothers-in-law don't do things like their own mothers did).

Be a content communicator. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Criticism. When I am in a relationship of equals, I must ask their permission before giving advice or critiquing them. It will backfire every time if you don't.

Learn love languages. So often we give love the way we would like to be loved. Learning the way others like to receive love is essential. Just because we love to receive gifts doesn't mean everyone else will love it too.

Great expectations . . . are really not so great unless they are expectations for no one else but ourselves.

Planted

This is a must read for anyone struggling with their faith, struggling with Mormonism, and even more so for those whose faith is still strong.

I wish I had this book many years ago when dealing with a loved one who chose to not only leave our joint, religious upbringing, but who also chose to leave God. The book can serve as a great bridge builder between both sides. It helped me as the reader gain a better understanding and compassion for those who have left and perhaps their reasoning for doing so. I believe it can also point those who are teetering on that edge of jumping ship or staying in the boat to some good evidence to WHY they should stay. It's a day and age where we not only decide every day what we believe, but why and whether we will still remain steadfast in our beliefs.

Two of my favorite sections: (1) "Those of us who are American don't always like what our elected leaders do in Washington, but not many of us choose to leave the country. We don't always like how our family members act, but we are not going to disown them. We don't always like our coworkers, but we don't usually quit our jobs over that. We don't always like all our teachers or what they teach us, but we typically stay in school until we earn our diploma. In short, we regularly recognize the limitations and flaws of many institutions of which we are a part, but except in the case of egregious abuses we normally stay and try to make thing better rather than washing our hands and walking away."

(2) "The organization of the church into strictly enforced geographic units compels us to love our neighbors as we find them, not to choose the congregation that we feel best fits our personal tastes. The church thus caters to our needs far more than our wants. We are subjected to other people who don't always think like we do and who sometimes publicly offer misinformed  and prejudicial notions as authoritative fact. We are asked to follow leaders who are untrained amateurs, who occasionally make bad decisions and say or do thing that are hurtful and possibly even constitute unrighteous dominion. . . . We are asked to visit people whose opinions, grooming habits, childrearing techniques, or wall décor are odious to our tastes. In turn we are visited by other people, often at inopportune times, who endlessly recount their latest in a string of unpleasant medical maladies or their judgment about the state of our souls -- or in a really efficient visit, both.

All of this unpleasantness is precisely the stuff of discipleship. As England observes, "Church involvement teaches us compassion and patience as well as courage and discipline. It makes us responsible for the personal and marital, physical, and spiritual welfare of people we may not already love (or may even heartily dislike), and thus we learn to love them. It stretches and challenges us, though disappointed and exasperated, in ways we would not otherwise choose to be -- and thus gives us a chance to be made better than we might choose to be, but ultimately need and want to be."

Patrick Mason also gave a great speech at FAIR Mormon that you can find here The Courage of Our Convictions.

Many years ago we planted a garden without having any way to regularly water it. I was gung-ho and told myself it would be easy to go out and do a quick watering job every day. I started strong but as the cool, spring weather turned hot and irritable, I found my watering became less and less frequent.

You can probably guess what happened. Those poor plants thrived for a little while, then started to wilt and struggle until they eventually succumbed and ceased to exist.

My point in all this is: We choose every day whether or not to water. And we choose every day WHAT we are going to water. Do we consistently and deeply water our faith and hope or is it doubt and skepticism that get the nourishment. For me, my testimony and faith is nothing more than my personal relationship with God and how I experience him. For whatever reasons, I, like Nephi, have been endowed with the gift of faith. Religion comes easy to me. Believe has always a part of my life. Church has been a comfortable place to be. And I am now just understanding that this is simply my story. For others, belief and belonging do not come as easy.

A few weeks ago my kids asked if I was watering our plants. I told them I didn't need to since Mother Nature was taking care of it for me in the form of rain.

This too can be detrimental to our faith when we are going along in life not really feeling the need to "water" and nourish it ourselves. It's easy to fall into this life of ease but also stagnation. Spirituality is very individual. Not every person is going to worship the same. This is simply how I choose to keep my faith vibrant, healthy, and growing which may not be the same for someone else.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by consistent, daily immersion in the scriptures. Most days I listen to the scriptures as I get ready in the morning. Our family scripture time is 6:45am. Some days it's just me and some days we have most of the family there. On Fridays we watch a general conference talk from the previous session.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by consistent, daily, meaningful prayer. When I start to get casual in my prayers, I know my life is too easy and comfortable for growth. I really try to have mighty prayer that is felt and more of a conversation I might have with someone sitting next to me. My favorite place to pray is in my bathroom sitting on the step by my tub.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by consistent service to others. Most days I try to ask God to open my eyes to someone who might need my assistance. It might be nothing more than a compliment.

I choose to "water" my faith and testimony by surrounding myself with goodness. Good literature. Good media. Good people. Positivity. Wholesome activities.

AND . . . I simply choose to believe.

Falling Free

This book has haunted me from the first day I discovered it. The back reads "Shannan Martin had the perfect life: a cute farmhouse on six rambling acres, a loving husband, three adorable kids, money, friends, a close-knit church -- safe, happy existence." Insert my name and it could be my story and just like God pulled the rug out from under her safe existence, I feel like he has done the same with me and my family.

I read it as though God were speaking to me as I dog-eared just about every other page. She talks about faith, her plunge from security, looking past the comfortable. I haven't had a book cause me to rethink so many facets of my life like this one has. She is also an incredibly good writer. It just may be one of the best books of 2017 and we're only a month in.

QUOTES FROM THE BOOK

"It's hard to pine for heaven when you already believe you're there."

"We stand in worship services and sing our hearts out about things like faith and trusting God in deep waters. We say God is all we need, but what we really mean is, 'All we need is God, our family, the promise of safety, and money.' We sing like we mean it while we pray to God we'll never find out if we really do. What would happen if everything but God were swept away? Would he really be enough?"

"Surrender is always the beginning of a better dream."

"Each of us is charged with finding a way to partner with God and the work to ransom his people. This is something we get to do, our capacity to love expanded through his enduring love for us. Though we are prone to causing trouble and putting ourselves first, only because God's refusal to take us at face value, he invites us to the party and gives us a first-row seat to the way he redeems a universe of orphaned souls into the treasured family of God."

"In pursuit of our hearts, he reminds us that his is tethered to relationships, not things. . . . What we call freedom was really self-proud independence in disguise. We wanted to owe nothing, depend on no one. We wanted to be the boss of our lives, never stopping to consider that our perspective ran contrary to the fundamentals of the faith we said governed us."

"There's a difference between being too scared to do hard things and doing hard things scared. Communing with the God of the universe will inspire all kinds of unscripted movement and giant leaps  past "normal." It will make surrendering seem like the safest way."

"So you might have a family. You might have a job, a hobby, and a home that you love. You might think that all the big items have been checked off the list and you're mostly settled into a groove, done. But maybe there's more. Maybe there's something over in the west or off the east a little. Wherever it is, let's trust the sender."

"The shortest routes to relationships are carved when everyone takes two giant steps past the gates of their comfort and toward each other."

"When God told my family to stand right there, in this particular neighborhood of this particular city, he called all of us. He's not in the business of fragmenting families or risking some for the sake of others."

"We used to think our job was to love God, follow is commandments, and keep our family cloistered from the world around a future where our kids would remain gated in privilege, though we never would have phrased it that way. We imagined a future for them in the stable majority. We looked around, seeing many different versions of ourselves, and believed it was the story God had penned for our family. So we jotted our own words on the page, careful not to change the script. It took time to bring my heart to the place of accepting that maybe God's best for my kids looked different from what I had assumed. Note to self: If I ever wonder why God's plan doesn't unfold more quickly, it's because it takes me so flipping long to let go and get on board."

"He ways to give all that we have, hoard nothing, and let him handle the bookkeeping. If I say I follow him, I should care about the things he care about. Even and especially if it costs me something. But it's one thing to understand and a whole 'nother thing to try and rewire a heart built on believing what's mine is mine."

"For the forty-eight hours [my children and I] spent apart, I was fixated primarily on my two fragile nutcases. I missed them all -- in the special way you "miss" your kids when you finally get a break from them. I most certainly loved all three of them equally, but my mind and heart were fixed on the needy ones. I couldn't stop thinking about them, praying for them, rooting them on. My soul had drawn near to them, because they were desperate for me. And we wonder why God allows us to stay mired in conflict, trouble, and pain. We'd really rather God draw near to us while we flit about our merry way, solving our own problems and polishing the silver. We don't want to run to him like a child. That would be silly, and we're professional adults, stouthearted and capable, with creases in our slacks. We don't want that kind of faith. We want logical. Sturdy. Exemplary. It doesn't feel good to emotionally unhinge, so we keep holding it together while we steer our own ship. We know he's still with us, and some days we remember he still loves us. But we settle for a life unmarked by depth and purpose, because those things come at the cost of practicality and esteem. We adore practicality. It makes us feel so capable and smart."

2016 Stats

My reading stats for 2016 show I read more this last year than any other year since I started keeping track of my books. That goal I made for myself last year to read more seems to have worked.

I look forward to reading even more this next year and delving into different genres. My two favorites to read are historical fiction and biographys/memoires and my book clubs are great in introducing me to books I wouldn't otherwise have chosen to read. One such book was Dreams from My Father, a memoir by President Obama. What a surprise it was to me that I quite enjoyed the book and found our lame duck president to be a decent writer.




Read more.

I've been blogging for nine years now. That's crazy. I never imagined with that first blog post in November 2007 that I would take to it like I have. However, this past year was the third lowest for number of posts. Unacceptable.

Write more.

I was thinking about my weaknesses the other day as preparation for a possible interview question. That's never an easy thing. To think about one's shortcomings. But one thing I do that drives Tyler crazy is I tend to cut in and finish sentences. I'm not listening like I should. I'm concentrating more on what my next sentence is going to be. I've been reading books and watching YouTube videos on how to communicate better to improve relationships. One of the best I've read lately is Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.

Listen more.

I used to be a die-hard, new-years resolution kind of gal. I made them religiously and broke them just as religiously. I still believe in goals and setting them, but I view it more as projects I work to accomplish. And those I have an abundance of to keep me busy.

These are the days of . . . 
*Fake glasses.

Ash loves to wear glasses so Santa brought her some. Isn't she so cute? Much better than the nerdy ones above.


Although the other photo makes her look a little like Bono from U2? Eh?

Remembering Wholeness

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.

--Confucius

I decided a few months ago that I simply was not reading enough. Since September I've read six and am working my way through two more. My book review today, however, is a book I read long ago, dog-earring so many pages that I loved. 

And it sat and sat, waiting patiently for me to do something about those marked up pages. Today's the day.

Remembering Wholeness. The author talks a lot of finding energy in the universe and using this energy to create a better life for ourselves. A lot of it I found kind of hokey. She seemed to have this idea of being able to be in complete control of her life. I don't agree with that premise. I think the moment we think we have complete control, God will ensure that we don't. BUT, a lot of tidbits I wholeheartedly agreed with, and those little nuggets are what are captured below.

*Thriving is more than having a lot of money, a physically fit body, and great relationships. Thriving is a spiritual experience. You can know who you are and why you are here. Thriving is having an ongoing rich relationship with the heavens and calling upon its powers to effect tremendous outcomes in behalf or your life and others.

*If you want to know what the most powerful beliefs are about yourself -- whether you are aware of them or not -- just look at your life.

*Start right now imagining your life exactly as you want it to be. . . . Pain and struggle are familiar to all of us, yet it is not our natural state. Our natural state is to feel good and to know happiness.

*We come into this world with the soul intent on remembering who we are -- our gifts, our glory, our power, and our god-self. We choose an interesting way of remembering: we are remembering by experiencing who we are not.

*The heavens want to assist in creating that which brings us more joy. They want us to be in a state of joy so we can move through our lives giving joy to more people. Do not sit and wait for God to make your life better. Set an intention to partner with God in creating a wonderful life, and you will experience the miracle of how quickly it can happen.

*By choosing to be accountable and taking ownership of everything you experience, you will really have the power to create a wonderful life. . . . We learn more and more clearly what we do want as a byproduct of experiencing what we don't want. The next time you have an experience you don't want, ask yourself what you do want and start creating it.

*The success of God's plan is not dependent on us. There is always someone to replace us if we fail to fulfill our contracts. Does God love us any less if we choose out? I believe not. God has complete allowing and unconditional love for each of us, no matter what we do. If we fail to live a higher level of spirituality or choose out of our contracts, we deny ourselves blessings. We are not loved any less; we have just chosen a different experience.

*[God] wants us each to create as much success as possible; he compares us with no one. It really is up to you. What do you want to experience? What do you want to acquire spiritually? Don't be so hard on yourself. Have more fun and be more playful with all of this. It is meant to bring us joy now, not just a byproduct of joy later.

*Come unto Christ and become God-reliant as well as self-reliant. (Oooh, I really liked that.)

*Albert Einstein once said, "I want to know the thoughts of God; everything else is details." In a state of charity, we know the thoughts of God. We are connected to the light of Christ so completely, it is as if the light of heaven and the thoughts of God communicate to our intelligence directly.

These are the days of . . . 
*My Grandpa DeLaMare's birthday. It's today, November 27. He was an airplane mechanic in India during WWII.

*Santa letters . . . seems pretty easy, right. And you got to love free!

*Marshmallow pyramids

*The neverending college applications which inundate our mailbox and now have Erik's name on them along with Kiersten's

*And even more wonderful neighbors who send my kids home with food. Got to love those friends who work for Kellogg's. She assured me that my kids did not tell her they were starving. We do eat :) We are just eating food from our food storage because this is the very reason it's there.

Book Reviews

Last month Ty asked me to accompany him on a business trip to Portland. Heck ya! I love to fly and I love to get away. For three days I got time for just me and I read. Heavenly.

Ty and I also found mature trees of several we are thinking about for our yard.

We went hiking amidst waterfalls

and discovered a great little Korean restaurant.

Powell's Books, our favorite bookstore which literally takes up a city block, is also a must when we make it to Portland.

Not only did I get back to my favorite bookstore, but I think I broke a record for the number of books finished last month. (Note that I said finished. That does not mean I began and finished all these in one month.) I love to read but am finding it increasingly difficult to read as much as I'd like. A couple of months ago I made a commitment to myself to read more. It hasn't been easy. I carry a book with me at all times and I've given up my 10pm news watching in favor of reading.

The Secrets of Mary Bowser
I discovered this book while subbing an English class one day and gifted a copy to Kiersten. She devoured it in 2 days. I took a little longer. It's based on a real black, slave woman during the time of the Civil War. She is educated and lands a job working in the Gray House or the house that the confederate president, President Jefferson David occupied in Richmond, Virginia. Mary Bowser serves as a spy for the Union as she cleans the keeps house. Reading this book made me realize how much she might have done to help the Union win. But I also got a taste of what life for a free, black woman in the north might have been like and how those same prejudices were very much a part of their culture despite their freedoms. 

Letters to a Young Mormon
This short little composition of essays or letters to his children was beautifully written. It is one I will digest again and again.

"Like everyone, you have a story you want your life to tell. You have your own way of doing things and your own way of thinking about things. . . . As the heavens are higher than the earth, God's work in your life is bigger than the story you'd like that life to tell. His life is bigger than your plans, goals, or fears. To save your life, you'll have to lay down your stories, and minute by minute, day by day, give your life back to him. Preferring your stories to his life is sin. . . . Faith isn't about getting God to play a more and more central part in your story. Faith is about sacrificing your story on his altar."

Zucchini Pie
I just couldn't like this book at all. I tried but it painfully dragged on and on. The characters were cheesy. The scenarios were too far-fetched. The author tried to wrap up all these family problems in a short week between when grandma died and the funeral. It just wasn't real to me. I didn't care for the way the book was set up and the writing was subpar. I don't think I would have picked this book up except it was for a book club -- and not everyone has to like the book selection, right? :)

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
I listened to the first half of this book, and while I liked the change in characters' voices, I felt like it dragged. The second half I finished reading the book and the pace seemed a little better. The writing was okay, although I don't think he portrayed 1986 very accurately, like he forgot what decade he was writing about.

This story about love across cultures and a Japanese interment camp is heartbreaking, and I shake my head every time I read about these and wonder how we, as a country, could do the same thing to our people that was happening in Germany at the same time. I came away from this book wanting to communicate better with my children and to be accepting of who they might bring through our front door.

Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island
Wow. What a book of resiliency and strength in children who are left to basically raise themselves and actually come out of the system as contributing adults to society. This book reminded me a lot of The Glass Castle. It was eye opening into the world of foster care where some are in it strictly for the money and others actually do it to help lives. And the mother. Are there seriously people like her. I kept wanting to believe she was a fictional character and might have some redemptive characteristics. Nope. She had no business having children. This book has a couple dozen F words. I cringe when I read it but understand that it was who these people were and how they spoke. The author was remaining true to dialogue.