I know parents who dread the teenage years, but I'm absolutely loving it. I believe it's all a matter of attitude. If you head into those years knowing that they can be some of the best, I think they can. Every kid needs someone who is crazy about them.
And you know, if you want to really connect with those kids, you have to think like a teen.
*I do fist bumps and lip sync concerts.
*I do crazy dance moves and try to keep up with the music they like.
*I ask lots of questions about what they're up to. I'm sure it might drive them crazy, but I really think they enjoy the fact that mom is interested in them.
*I try to work along side them and be interested in their friends when they are at our house (those friends must like our house because it seems there is a never-ending stream coming and going).
*I try to treat them like adults and will ask for their advice.
*And for heavens sake, I feed them. Teenagers, especially teenage boys, love food. We do one-on-one lunch dates. Even the Savior fed the masses physically before feeding them spiritually.
It's a time of growing and developing and figuring things out and I try to be their biggest cheerleader in all their endeavors and do my best to be at the crossroads. Life seems to be lived on the road a lot, but carpooling gives me a chance to talk with them uninterrupted and more importantly to just listen.
It's a time for them to start making their own choices about who they are and who they want to be. It's absolutely crucial and essential that they be given freedom to do so. They've been taught a great deal up to this point and now is the time to put into practice those teachings under the tutelage of wise, encouraging, guiding parents before heading out on their own. They're going to be unwise in how they use their time, their money, my time, my money. They are going to make some stupid decisions which will make me want to cringe, but if they are not given the chance to do so now at this young age, the consequences of their choices later in life might be more detrimental.
Tyler and I were at the nursery the other day picking up a few more trees (I think we seriously have an addiction, but I do think we are at the tail end of buying and planting trees.). Last fall we planted four Crimson Spire Oak trees. In the spring one of them didn't quite leaf out like the other three and hasn't looked as good. While we were at the nursery, we found another Crimson Spire Oak and Tyler was very tempted to buy it and replace it, although our tree at home is still alive.
I talked him out of it with "Just because some of our children don't act or look like the others, are you just going to give them the boot and trade them in?"
I've always wanted my kids to be musical and at least learn to play the piano. Erik and I struggled in this arena for a long time and I finally decided he is his own person and I valued my relationship with him more than the piano. There is no molding him into who I want him to be. He is who he decides he wants to be . . . and sadly for me that is non-musical.
My kids have come to our family with all their different personalities, quirks, strengths, weaknesses which means our parenting approach doesn't necessarily work the same with each child. And this makes it very difficult to have a broad parenting style for the entire group. An umbrella of rules simply does not work for all five. Each one is unique, and at differing ages will require varying rules and guidelines.
And rules . . . well Tyler and I have concluded that less is better. "Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves" seems to work the best.
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