Not your typical "dry" council Sunday

"Some choices are matters of preference, not principle"
(Wisdom and Order, Neal A. Maxwell)

Last week's high council speaker gave a tremendous talk on the cause of friction in marriages and families. Joseph Smith used the phrases "war of words and tumult of opinions" in describing the discord between the various religious sects in his day. Most family and marital problems stem from our own "war of words and tumult of opinions." We all have different preferences from how to manage money to rearing children to where to vacation, but the principles behind those preferences are ALWAYS the same. The Lord doesn't care how we as a couple handle our finances, but He does care what we do with that monetary stewardship He has blessed us with. Do we use it in helping others? Do we remember to pay tithes and offerings? He doesn't care whether we prefer to recreate in Hawaii or the mountains, but He does care if we don't make it to sacrament meeting. He doesn't mind the style of clothing worn by our children, but He does mind if they're dressed modestly and neatly.

This high council speaker told a story of mother who came to him as her bishop at the time. Her daughter was 15 and starting to hang out more with a boy she really liked. This mother and daughter had a close relationship and the mother was afraid to really say anything for fear she would push her daughter away. This high councilor/bishop's advice:

The daughter was Heavenly Father's daughter long before she was a daughter to this mother. He had given the mother the chance to raise this daughter. Heavenly Father has not left us alone and He has laid out the way. This mother was counseled to reveal everything the Lord and the prophets have said about the matter. She told her daughter, "If you have a problem with what I tell you, it is not me you have the problem with, it is the Lord and His prophets. If you have a problem with what they are saying, then you go to them. My job is to tell you what the Lord wants me to." Then as parents you have to step back and let them make their own choices. I'm sure this mother PREFERRED to tell her daughter to not see this boy anymore or to simply not say anything at all. But the PRINCIPLE of agency was followed and the outcome was that the daughter chose to break off the relationship.

I had a similar experience growing up. My friend Jennifer was entertaining some boys at her house while her parents were out of town. She called and asked me to come over and that one of the boys would stop by my house to pick me up. As I got off the phone I asked my dad if I could go. He didn't say no but counseled with me and left the decision up to me. I thought about it for awhile and decided it was not the best thing for me to do. My dad grew taller that day in my eyes simply by being more concerned with principles than preferences.

Dealing with principle, not preference will give us happiness and infuse our hearts and mind with peace.